Coffee Tasting and unused currency in your wallet

A case for Appreciation

I was in a meeting with a sales team with an Excel sheet open on my laptop, and I noticed my phone vibrating. The person sitting next to me gave a curious smile and asked, “Wow! Suva, your super boss is calling you from HO! What’s up? Never seen him calling you in the last 2.5 years”. I got up and stepped out with my mobile phone, and here is how the conversation went. But before that, let's talk a bit about our relationship. Whenever I used to be in my HQ, even when we both were smoking in the smoking area, we used to stand in the opposite corner.

The Super Boss (TSB): Hi Suva! Where are you?

Suva: I am in a meeting.

TSB: What are you doing in the meeting?

Suva: Exactly what you do, sitting, listening, and occasionally participating! 

TSB: Why do you think I have called you? What great things have you done that I have called you? 

Suva: I don’t know, Boss. I have no clue. (I did have a slight clue, though. A month back, I was part of an internal assessment center for the Head of Training Role for a new large business)

TSB: You got promoted. But don’t start walking in the air; remain grounded. Catch you later! Now, go back to your meeting! 

I could not go back immediately. I lit a cigarette, pacing, and didn’t know whether to feel happy or irritated. It has been over 16 years, and I have not forgotten the irritation. Later on, when I observed TSB closely, I found his behavior was driven by fear- “What if my praise makes this guy feel he has arrived.”. 

What about examining the UNSEEN but REAL fear here? Here is an employee who just got promoted, and it is possible to make him feel confident, happy, and glad, but we have missed that opportunity. Where is your ROI thinking? This could have made him feel more engaged and a better performer. 

I love drinking coffee and often go for coffee-tasting sessions where you get to experience different coffees. I always enjoyed the experience and realized that even the known coffee tastes better there! Isn’t it surprising? I also figured out why it tastes better in tasting sessions than at home- during tasting sessions; I smell the coffee with my eyes closed, slurp the coffee slowly, pause with my eyes closed, and analyze the taste in my mouth. And I often don’t do that at home. Every time I followed this at home, I found my coffee better. 

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Smell

Remember to smell the coffee before you taste it. This is an important part of the coffee experience as beans will produce exceptional aromas when they’re brewed. To do this, get in close to the cup with your nose and inhale — cupping your hand over the coffee if that helps to funnel in the goodness. 

Sip or Slurp

When tasting it’s not business as usual when it comes to drinking your coffee. Take measured sips or slurps so that you are consciously analyzing the effect of the liquid on your palate. If testing between several coffee beans, only drinking small volumes also becomes more of a necessity. 

Slurping is great as it helps coffee to reach more areas of your mouth and nose so we’d recommend trying this, even if you’re only comfortable doing it in private. 

Analyze

Take a few moments to think about the flavors that you’re experiencing (in addition to sweetness, body, acidity and finish). If you’re new to the tasting game, there’s no need to get too hung up on the subtle notes that are described on the coffee bag such as berries and fruits. If you can’t taste them, or if you taste something different, that’s completely fine. “ (

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So, there is more coffee per cup if we can smell, slurp, pause, and analyze. Often, for every good work we do, it is possible to derive more energy from it by appreciating the person who has done it. 

I want to double-click here. We often use Recognition and Appreciation Interchangeably. Recognition is about giving positive feedback based on results or performance. It can be formal, like a promotion or raise, or informal, like a handwritten note. Recognition is about their “doing”.

On the other hand, appreciation is about acknowledging a person’s inherent value. The point isn’t their accomplishments. Appreciation is about their being. Recognition can be given only in good times, while we can appreciate all the time, even when the chips are down. We can use both.

Gallup has interesting data to share. Their  latest analysis, which includes more than 10,000 business units and more than 30 industries, has found that individuals who receive regular recognition and appreciation:

• increase their productivity

• increase engagement among their colleagues

• are more likely to stay with their organization

• receive higher loyalty and satisfaction scores from customers

• have better safety records and fewer accidents on the job

Studies by Stanford Medical researchers revealed that appreciating others

• Builds connection

• It makes the other person experience cognitive empathy

• The above benefits are equally applicable to online connections (Teams, Gmeet, Zoom setting), too.

Oprah Winfrey spoke about this in a powerful way when she gave a commencement speech at Harvard a few years ago:

“I have to say that the single most important lesson I learned in 25 years talking every single day to people was that there’s a common denominator in our human experience….The common denominator that I found in every single interview is we want to be validated. We want to be understood. I’ve done over 35,000 interviews in my career. And as soon as that camera shuts off, everyone always turns to me and inevitably, in their own way, asks this question: “Was that OK?” I heard it from President Bush. I heard it from President Obama. I’ve heard it from heroes and from housewives. I’ve heard it from victims and perpetrators of crimes. I even heard it from Beyoncé in all of her Beyoncé-ness….[We] all want to know one thing: “Was that OK?” “Did you hear me?” “Do you see me?” “Did what I say mean anything to you?”

What Oprah was talking about is appreciation. And when we show appreciation to our colleagues, customers, managers, and partners, we’re more likely to build trust and connect.

Appreciation is like the unused currency notes in our wallet. They are there, but it is we who have to use them. Appreciation is the hidden ROI that is waiting to happen. 

Why don’t we appreciate enough, then? Here are some of the reasons that I have heard

• Why do people need appreciation? I am a manager and not a cheerleader

• Now, do you want me to add appreciation to my to-do list? Huh! 

• We are so focused on finding what could be better that we forget to pause and notice things going well. A few days back, my colleague and I were running a session on Feedback with a group of leaders. They all acknowledged that much more time is spent on what is not going well in review meetings. For anything that has gone well, there is “Good job” ;-). 

Here is something essential to consider

“The research, conducted by academic Emily Heaphy and consultant Marcial Losada*, examined the effectiveness of 60 strategic-business-unit leadership teams at a large information-processing company. “Effectiveness” was measured according to financial performance, customer satisfaction ratings, and 360-degree feedback ratings of the team members. The factor that made the greatest difference between the most and least successful teams, Heaphy and Losada found, was the ratio of positive comments (“I agree with that,” for instance, or “That’s a terrific idea”) to negative comments (“I don’t agree with you” “We shouldn’t even consider doing that”) that the participants made to one another. (Negative comments, we should point out, could go as far as sarcastic or disparaging remarks.) The average ratio for the highest-performing teams was 5.6 (that is, nearly six positive comments for every negative one). The medium-performance teams averaged 1.9 (almost twice as many positive comments than negative ones.) But the average for the low-performing teams, at 0.36 to 1, was almost three negative comments for every positive one.” (The Ideal Praise to Criticism Ratio -Zenger & Folkman)

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So what can we do as Managers, Leaders, or decent human beings? Also, as parents of teenagers! Some of my friends are, and I know their challenges a bit.

• Observe: Notice what is going well alongside your focus on what is not.

• Ask yourself: What do I value about this person? What traits in this person I would have admired had she been my friend? This best friend's lens is essential. We are generally more kind and appreciative of them.

• Listen: Listen to what people say. The said, the unsaid, and the intent.

• Acknowledge and share: Acknowledge good work, goodness, and their “being.” Spend time sharing. Go a little beyond “good job”. Say your “why” and ‘how” and “where” you noticed. Smile and check how they feel after hearing what you said. 

• Don’t Ignore Yourself: Pause to appreciate yourself. From childhood, being self-critical gives us a lot of brownie points. We don’t realize when it has become our habit. If you can not appreciate yourself, you won’t be able to do that with others. Treat yourself like your best friend, put a hand on your shoulder (you know what I mean), tell yourself what you like about yourself, and pause to receive it. 

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Two days back, I spoke with a friend who had just come out of her farewell party. She was sharing how pleasantly she was surprised when she heard her colleagues talking about her. She was a bit emotional and wondered why she had never known she had made such an impact. While we joked that they were just making it up to make her feel good, we ended our conversation by discussing even if half of it were true (I know much more than half was true), she would have felt much more engaged hearing those lovely words. 

Life is short, so smell, slurp, pause, analyze your coffee, and appreciate the people around you and yourself. Today is the second best time to start it.